The things we wait for.

By Holly Nilson-Clay
June 11th, 2026

When The Super Mario Galaxy Movie came out I wanted to take the boys to see it in 3D. They'd never seen a 3D movie and I knew they would love it. I could already picture their reaction when they put the glasses on for the first time and everything seemed to jump off the screen, but I didn't take them.

Not because I couldn't or because we didn't have the time. But because I wanted their dad there. It's a small thing, and perhaps objectively a little ridiculous. The boys would have had a great time if I'd taken them myself. My husband even told me not to wait for him. I did anyway.

This article isn't about the Mario movie, rather all the little things that quietly end up on hold when your family lives in two countries.

This summer, for the first time in a long time, we'll spend nearly two months together as a family and I'm excited about it. Not just because of the location or because I'll get to eat some of my fave Asian foods in America. Not even because I'll get a break from being the only parent physically present most of the time, although that will be nice too. 

I'm excited for the boys.

As they've gotten older, I've become increasingly aware that there are things they get from their dad that they simply don't get from me. Not better things, different things. Patience, for one. I love them both so much, but if the boys are arguing over something ridiculous, my response is usually some variation of "pack it in and move on."

The husband on the other hand will happily sit there for half an hour listening to both sides, mediating the disagreement like an international peace negotiator. There are hobbies and interests that naturally come from him too. When they were doing fencing, he wanted to practice with them. Same with Taekwondo. Our eldest wants to learn to fly and I know his dad will spend hours teaching him. There are projects they would build together; Go-karts, things around the house. The kind of messy, time-consuming projects that become childhood memories years later. Could I do all of those things? Definitely. Do I? No. But that's not really the point.

The point is that they have a father who genuinely enjoys those things, and I want them to have those experiences with him so sometimes that means waiting or if we're honest, it means missing out altogether.

I think that's one of the quieter realities of living apart. People tend to focus on the obvious things; Birthdays, Christmas, School events. The big milestones, most of which he's made it over to Spain for so far. But those aren't usually the things I think about, more so the ordinary moments like random Saturday projects, hobbies that they quit before really getting started, movie nights together. Experiences that are impossible to do long-distance, but are still important enough that you don't quite want to do them without everyone there.

Of course, there is another side to this. I chose Spain. Nobody forced me to move here.

I genuinely believe the boys have had opportunities and experiences here that they wouldn't have had otherwise. I believe they're growing up in an environment that suits them. I believe it was the right decision for our family at the time, but that doesn't mean there aren't trade-offs.

Sometimes people talk about major life decisions as though one choice is entirely right and the other entirely wrong. My experience has never felt like that. I first moved abroad at 14 when my parents, who were roughly my age now, made the major life decision to head to Spain from the UK. I have often thought about how different my life would have been if they hadn't made that move. Not better or worse, just different. And that's the junction I'm at now with the boys. Every choice gives your children something and takes something away. My boys have grown up five minutes from their grandparents. They see them multiple times a week, something that wouldn't have happened if we'd stayed in Los Angeles. But they don't have their dad in the same home, and no version of that equation fully balances.

I can believe Spain is the right place for us and still feel guilty about what the boys miss by not having their dad physically present year-round. I can be grateful for the life we've built here and still look forward to a summer where they get two months of access to all of him. We've just got to make the best decision we can with the information we have, whilst accepting that some things are worth waiting for. Including, perhaps, the Mario movie. Hopefully in 3D.